What I did not do

I did not move back to Ireland, get involved in politics, buy and remodel a terminally quaint house, and rename it something Celtic, seeding the yard with guard geese.
I did not take a job out of college making 90 grand making video games working in a house by the beach with people I know
I did not punch Nico Castano in the fucking face.
I did not move down by the beach and finally learn to surf.
I did not try to get published in a poetry magazine.
I did not cross dress
I didn’t take boudoir pictures when I was 25 and hot as hell.
I did not ever live with a partner.
I have held my tongue with the truth, I have believed words instead of perception, and have often caused more harm – usually to myself – trying to “help” rather than sticking to my gut instinct and allowing people to flounder.
I did not go to Japan and teach Engrish
I’ve never lived in a truly non-English-speaking environment.
I’ve not done a hiking trek alone with my dogs.
I have not let go of the tight way I hold the world and myself in it.
I think my experience with Aikido broke my heart for teachers and I’ve not really had a teacher since then.
I’ve never learned to read music or play a musical instrument.
I haven’t ever given up all my things and thrown myself into the world.
I do not let myself easily or quickly join social groups.

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